Planning for a Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Dear Lissy,
Who wants to always have good days?  Where's the fun in that?  When you're ready to plan a horrible day, don't forget these important steps...

1. A horrible day starts the night before.  It's imperative that you stay up until at least 2 am finishing a good book, working on a craft project you can leave all over the kitchen table, or watching an entire season of T.V. show re-runs and leaving some popcorn for the kids to snack on in the morning when they wake up.   Be sure to go to bed in a t-shirt and sweats...who wants the extra trouble of getting dressed in the morning?  Lack of a good night's sleep is probably the most important aspect of a horrible day.
2. DO NOT set an alarm!  You went to bed late, remember?  The kids can wake you up when they're hungry.  Your husband is a big boy and can get himself off to work for once without any assistance.
3. Stay in sweats all day and scrape your hair into a clip.  Comfort is far more important than self-respect.
4. Plan to spend most of the morning on the computer gaming, blogging, checking into your social networks, and clicking through lots of links to help you organize your home school.  Give the kids unlimited t.v, video games, and snacks so they'll leave you alone.  They can do school tomorrow when you start that new system.
5. Let go of that maniacal need to clean up the kitchen after every  meal and snack.    Why do so many women insist on keeping the kitchen tidy as they go?  It just gets dirty again anyways.  The kids can eat anywhere in the house and just leave their cups and dishes so they don't build up too much in the kitchen.
6. The laundry can wait.  There's a whole basket of clean mismatched socks if somebody really needs one.  Keeping laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away is for control freaks. 
7. Indulge in a little guilty pleasure.  You're not getting enough romance these days!  Soap operas, a chick flick,  or maybe even that free novel you snagged from the box outside the library will give you a nice escape from a humdrum marriage.  Reading the Bible every day runs the risk of making you so heavenly minded you're no earthly good.
8. Take the day off from cooking.  Cereal, sandwiches, cheese sticks, Popsicles, and Little Debbie snacks provide plenty of nutrition.  If your kids or husband want something hot, they can always microwave a burrito.  Grazing on snacks throughout the day is much healthier than eating big meals, too.  Feel free to bake a rich, sweet snack, but don't bother with the dishes or cleaning up the counters.
9. Take a nap.  No one can survive on a short night's sleep!  Don't set an alarm, threaten your kids with a fate worse than death if they wake you, and just sleep until you wake up.  Be sure to yell at anyone that's too loud so they know you are very serious.
10. Call a friend so you can vent and catch her up on all the gossip.  How is she going to pray intelligently  for all these situations if you don't give her EVERY detail?
11. As soon as your husband gets home, demand that he take over the parenting.  You need some time for yourself.  It's draining spending all day with the kids!  If you have enough energy, shower and get dressed up for a girls' night out with friends.  Bonus points if you can go to a home party and spend at least $75 to help a friend out with her new business.
12. You've had a horrible day.  Proof?  The kids have been brats, your husband doesn't understand you, and the house is a wreck.  Time to go to bed!  Absolutely, positively don't even think about trying to pick up the house or get anything ready for tomorrow.  

I'm convinced these ideas will help you plan your own terrible days your whole life.  Perhaps a few kind people who follow along as I write these letters will add some postscripts in the comment section of helpful ways they've found to plan their horrible days as well.

Much love,

Mom